Now I’ve done it

I’ve done it. Reached  a point where my dietitian is comfortable with advising me to eat more fruits and vegetables. And cutting out some of the multitude of snacks I consumed most evenings without really thinking about it. I feel a bit accomplished, perhaps proud I must admit. But my initial reaction to her words “you don’t have to have the evening snack you’ve been having, just as long as you have a snack.” Wait, what? No more peanut butter and crackers? No more 2oz of cheese and 7 saltines? Nope. No more. A shiver of excitement went through me. This was it. This was freedom. Almost.

Two times last week I ate breakfast alone, at home. I love having breakfast with my husband or my mom and brother, but I just wanted to see what it felt like to wake up at a decent time and nourish myself. You’ve got to remember- since September I either had breakfast at work, or at my mother’s house, or with my husband on Sunday mornings (he makes a mean French toast, I must say). The Times I ate alone, I wasn’t really alone. I was at work. I was on limited time. Before 9:00, was the goal. Breakfast in me before 9:00. This last week I didn’t have to work until 10:00 on two mornings. One morning I woke up around 9:30 and grabbed a quick breakfast of a toaster strudel and banana. Lack of protein, yes…but so good. And I made up for it later. What’s life without a little spontaneity?

The most amazing thing this past week has been this: even though my dietitian told me I know longer have to have a certain after dinner snack, I knew that wouldn’t mean I would start to restrict or cut back. Instead I have been challenging myself. Having a “fun food” with lunch (the cookies were calling).  Allowing myself a homemade dessert after eating a submarine sandwich and potato chips. I didn’t check in with ed on these things, but I can imagine he was writhing in agony. A few months ago, these choices wouldn’t have been possible. I didn’t have the tools to fight with ed, and I was pretty weak. It still takes a lot of effort to tune in to what my body might be saying and listen. I think it will take a long time to be able to follow any kind of instinct or intuition. But I am on my way.

I do still find myself reading nutrition facts labels. I try not to, I try to block the chart and percentages out. I definitely try my hardest not to let ed get his hands on the information. I know he will calculate and manipulate, telling me what is not as “bad”, what my allotment is for today. It’s something I have to be overly conscious of, not letting ed have a say. Of course, I do still have lots of comfort foods…or “comfortable foods” rather.  Hey, it’s a vegetable I know, but I have this comfort thing with baby carrots. Well today I ate broccoli instead and it was so good!  The dip on the side may have helped some…I have come to the conclusion that ed is not going to have his say in this matter, in this totally following the Herrin Food Plan. I am not cutting back, ed. I am going to attempt to listen to my body and eat accordingly. You have no say in this, ed.