“It’s not about the food”.
But it is.
It may not begin that way, but slowly it becomes a way to cope.
It’s about the control.
No matter how much you try to deny it.
Things change whether you want them to, or not.
Peter Pan used to visit me I my dreams.
Beckoning me to take the second star on the right.
“And straight on till morning.”
I dreamt of growing up.
Until I saw through the fog.
Then I knew, but now there was no going back.
Neverland became a place inside me.
One where I hid away.
When I was young, I was like Wendy.
No cares. No concerns. No fears.
Then the fears came.
Crouching like a hunter before its prey.
Suddenly everything was a threat.
I became a girl with choices.
I was always the good one.
Until I wasn’t.
I didn’t belong.
I had fallen from the stars.
I felt lost in this world.
This cruel world.
Where girls want to be women, in a child’s body.
Where the only way to stay young forever, is to forcefully hit the pause button.
And stop living.
Go through the motions.
Shrink back to your ten-year-old self.
Starve your body and your heart.
Until it forgets.
Until you have evolved.
Into a burst of light, there for but a moment.
And then gone.
The sun warms your body.
You have been in the dark for so long.
The light is blinding.
Learning how to live is petrifying.
Stars aren’t meant to live on this earth.
Humans aren’t meant to be stars.
A second life.
Blessed with two chances.
Struggling to become accustomed.
Stars don’t have to burn out.
And they don’t have to lead to Neverland.