Violent storms, soft rain

Oh, didn’t I tell you? I have a new job now. All of a sudden I decided I was an expert at predicting things. Like the weather, for example. Today looks nice. It could get a little patchy at times. And tonight you’ll enjoy the mild weather we will be having. Looking forward to tomorrow, it looks like breakfast will go ok, and lunch will be a little late, you mi…wait. Didn’t I just say I was basically a meteorologist? “An expert at predicting things”. Yeah, no. Not weather silly. Food. I am basically an expert at predicting what I will eat. Some days I tune in more, and other days I don’t even try to decipher through the static. After all, it is what it is, right?

When did food become such a big part of my life? Like the weather, food can affect my mood in good ways and bad. When I am happy with myself and have a sunny outlook (as a result of my “good” food choices?), it’s easier for me to be happy. When the clouds race in and an unexpected meal occurs, or I eat something that doesn’t feel “safe”, my day can be ruined just like it might be if plans for a day at the beach were scrapped because of a thunderstorm.

I know when it happened. It’s when I put food on a pedestal. I began to believe that the food choices I made were of utmost importance. But the thing is, I am not just the “weather predictor”. No, I am the weather maker. I get to decide what goes into my body because it’s mine. A dangerous power, this one that I have. I made a hurricane, and a tsunami. I let go of the things that were holding me to the earth, and let myself be carried away by the wind and waves. I knew I had the ability to stop this phenomenon, but it was growing too big too fast. Whoops, silly me. The control I thought I had was suddenly the complete opposite. I can no longer predict what will happen, because I am no longer “making the weather”.

This too shall pass. All storms must come to an end. Mine is dying down. The hungry anger that was the sea is calming. The wind, which was once so forceful and my ruining, is turning into a gentle breeze. Sometimes I look at my maps and charts, and realize how sad it was to think I knew, or wanted to know how to predict and control the wind and rain. And other times I try to get back into it. I over think and lose sleep over the patterns I see, the radar showing a bumpy day ahead.

Why try to control this thing that is only here to help us live and satiate our hunger? Why spend my time worrying about what may or may not happen? I don’t need to know everything. My life will not end if I get caught in a rain shower, or if I eat something that is unexpected. Sometimes spontaneity and uncertainty can be more comforting and invigorating than when I try to pinpoint and predict every little bite that passes my lips, and every drop of rainfall. In fact, I don’t even need to record it. Let nature take its course. Instead of lamenting the coming storm, see it for what it is in its entirety. It isn’t only a menace. It will help you grow, like a newly planted garden soaking the moisture up.

Storms will come and go. Navigate them as you will. Seek help. Choose courage. Take heart. I see the clouds clearing on the horizon.

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