Lately I’ve felt as though I am living in a fog. It’s difficult for me to put words to my exact feelings, but one word that kind of pins everything down is uncomfortable. I was just sitting here thinking about last weekend, when I turned down a road trip to stay home and relax. But I also decided not to go because I wasn’t feeling 100%. And unfortunately, that reminded me of how I used to feel all the time. I used to stress and lose sleep over a day trip. Or even a short drive to a town fifteen minutes away. Why? Because my head was filled with fear and lies. Anxiety would build up slowly but surely. About food, social interactions that may or may not happen, eating around others, being hungry. Being hungry. I am so afraid of hunger. I think that is why it’s hard for me to eat meals at a “normal” time. I’m always wondering how long the fuel I’m consuming now will last. What if I get hungry before my next meal? Will I be able to allow myself to eat? This feeding myself thing, man…it’s tough.
Ed has been so annoying lately…not necessarily loud…more like a persistent salesman knocking at your door. Annoying and hard to get rid of. Just when I think he’s gone, there he is peeking in the window or stomping around on the roof. Sometimes silence is too quiet. I can’t just think my words at ed, I have to speak them. So I do. I’ve also been listening religiously to the Recovery Warriors podcast. So much wisdom there. So much for me to learn from. Most of the guests on the show seem to really “get” this whole recovery thing. And it’s also heartening to hear so many wonderful testimonies from women who have recovered, in their interpretation of the term. There are just so many resources out there now. I remember back when I was first diagnosed, that I often felt so alone. I thought I was one of maybe, 100 cases if anorexia in the world. Hah! I think that was simply because I didn’t have the resources or knowledge I do now. Today I am overwhelmed by the information out there for those who seek it. And seeking it I have been.
I may hit on this more in a future post, but I was recently asked to share my favorite/most helpful recovery resources. So here they are:
These are only some of my favorites, but there is so much out there to explore and discover! And many of the resources listed aren’t only something that people with eating issues should look at. There are all kinds of encouraging and educational things for pretty much everyone. And now, it comes to you. What do you want to see on my blog? Sometimes I run out of ideas, or don’t know what to write. Sometimes I get worried that my writing will offend someone (but not often, I mean this is my blog.) Comment with your opinions or ideas and I will probably do a post with my view on it.