I’ve ruined the last few Valentine’s day’s for me and my husband. I wasn’t trying to, but it happened anyway. Neither of us are big into the traditional”holidays”. Columbus day seems fake, Valentine’s day is a chance for overpriced chocolates and flowers to raise sales…No offense to those of you who adore holidays like this and find great meaning in them, they’re just not for us. To each his own. This year, I wanted Valentine’s day to be different. It was, but not in the way I imagined. That’s OK though, because it was perfect. It began with delicious heart shaped French toast for a breakfast in bed, and ended with the watching of a weird romantic comedy called “Slow Learners”. I made dinner and a scrumptious bundt pan of monkey bread (one of the first desserts or food items I have prepared and eaten in a loooooong time. I admit, I was a bit nervous as I dumped the butter and sugar mixture over the biscuit pieces…I mean…it’s a lot. But, I used to eat monkey bread all the time when my mom made it, so I could do it again, as a challenge. It was very tasty by the way.
With my new job, I don’t work most Mondays, so I slept in today (until an embarrassingly late time) and enjoyed another late breakfast with my husband. How things have changed. Last year, ed was my Valentine. He told me I’d get nothing but grief and guilt from him, and that’s all I got. I resisted love and gifts from everyone else. I don’t remember if I gave anyone anything. I was only concerned with one thing: keeping ed happy so he’d leave me alone. He didn’t really leave me alone, of course. Somehow I still believed he might though. Last year ed convinced me I wasn’t worthy of love. Love from anyone. I had been married for a while and wasn’t responsive to much. I took everything the wrong way and turned things around to hurt those I loved. Last year was pretty much an anti-Valentine’s day. This year, it may not seem like it; but so much has changed. I can now share a meal and not have to eat my own little safe foods. I can enjoy a dessert that I made and not restrict the next day because I “ate too much”. I can feel OK about spending several hours just laying on the couch watching movies. It feels so good to be free, or on my way towards it. Dating ed is no fun. He doesn’t encourage me or build me up. He doesn’t ask if I’ll make monkey bread and then eat it with him. He doesn’t hug me and ask what’s wrong or crack jokes at just the right time. He’s a horrible guy who has nothing but my worst interest at heart. He likes to say he loves me but really he’s like those people who are only with you so they can feed off of you and better themselves, never giving anything in return. Ed is no kind of Valentine. I’ll choose a real human being from now on.