This is what I have to deal with

Patron at library: “Will you pick up my gum?”

Me: “What?”

Patron: “I dropped my gum by the trash can, here’s a napkin. Can you pick it up?”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Patron: “I thought I was close enough to the can to spit it in. I guess I wasn’t though. Can you just pick it up and toss it in for me?”

(Different) Patron at library: “Do you ever get really tired, and eat a lot of peanut M&M’s?”

Me: “…”

Patron: “And then you feel sick.”

Me: “…no, I guess I never have.”

Patron: “Well, of course not, you’re too skinny”

Woman returning DVD’s: “Do I have a late fee on these? Because I was in the hospital.”

Co-worker: “Yes, there is a fine on them.”

Woman: “Well, see, I couldn’t help it. I was in the hospital because I had a miscarriage. That’s why I haven’t been in.”

Male patron: “I thought I should grab this while it’s still here. I thought, might as well. I just thought. You know, before someone else grabs it” (referring to a cookbook that is years old and he found in the stacks)

Me: “Uh huh”

Patron: “Yeah, I just thought, might as well!”

Me: “Might as well”.

Patron: Do you have the movie “To Kill a Mockingbird”?

Me: Yes

Patron: Could you put me on the reserve hold list for that?

Me: Sure

Another patron who was listening in: Ohhhh, me too! That’s the one with P-Diddy, right?

Me: I don’t think so…

Patron: Can you put my dvd in a bag? It looks like it might rain.

Me: Sure!

Note: It is a perfectly sunny day outside. This patron asks for a plastic bag every time they come in.


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