You know this disease is not good for you. You know it is killing you. You know you’re not healthy. So why do you continue to hold back and restrict? Why does the thought of freedom fill you with hope and desire, but also dread? You know why. Because for years upon years, this disease has been your true friend. Your companion through thick and thin. It has held your hand, and shared your secrets. It has been your secret. You imagine anorexia in your mind. You see a vision of yourself, and someone else. The other being doesn’t have a clear face, but the hand is easy to pick out from amongst the fog. You see that the two figures are clasping hands tightly, as though if one let go of the other, the other would surely be lost forever. This is how you feel, in the deepest parts of you body and soul. As if, when you finally decide to let go of that hand, the one that is holding you steady, but also holding you back, you will collapse and fall. That you will be like a blind person, searching for their way through their black world. You will suddenly be alone and unsure of who you are, or where you are headed.