Have you ever stopped and thought about how many things in this world revolve around food? At least, that’s the way it is in America. You throw a party…but what will you serve? Wanna watch a movie? First, you should make sure you’re stocked up on popcorn and ice cream. Holidays are the worst offender. Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter…they all have these foods that are tied to them. Most people look forward to these holidays and their traditions. Most of the time, I dreaded them.
I have missed some moments in life…I don’t regret it yet, but I may someday. I can’t recall exactly how many family functions I have bowed out of, for the sake of my sanity. A handful, to be sure. I know I stayed home from a Thanksgiving celebration or two, and maybe an Easter meal. Graduation parties can be awkward. Birthday parties, same. Weddings can cause me anxiety beyond belief. And all because of one thing. Or really, several things. It’s sad though. Because most of the time it was my self-conscious holding me back. And always it was my depression. People might notice that I’m not eating what they’re eating, or not as much as I should be…but usually I could brush that off. I did my own thing, and that was ok with me. I don’t want to be like everyone else anyway. But depression is different. It’s hard to feel the desire to be social when it involves a thing you are deathly afraid of, and interacting with people when you don’t feel like it. I’m not saying I made the right choices, skipping out on things I probably should have been at…but I will say that I still feel all right with my decision. Because at the time, it was what I needed to cope.