That empty feeling

Hunger. We all know what it feels like. But I’m going to cue you in on a little secret…there are different kinds of hunger. One kind is the “typical” hunger of your body telling you it could use some fuel. Another is that sick feeling you might get if you’ve been putting off eating for a bit too long. Or what about that weird craving you might feel…it’s not really hunger (after all, you just ate half an hour ago!) but it is insistent…your body is telling you it could really use some of that cookie dough ice cream sitting in the deep freeze.

I have come to the conclusion that there is hunger beyond the norm. How do you think it feels to put off eating until 2:00 in the afternoon? You get up at 7:30, and just…don’t eat. Why, you ask? Oh, no particular reason. Just maybe it has a little bit of something to do with that anxious feeling you get when you think about the first bite of substance passing your lips. Or maybe it’s because your body has lost the ability to feel real hunger. Yeah, it can happen. It’s like this emptiness beyond empty. Where your stomach lining begins to look like a BLT sandwich to your body…your insides start to crumble in on themselves and your intestines become a cannibal. It’s scary, no? I mean, seriously, it almost makes me cry.

So, this hunger…it feels bad. Like, there is this one phase where it feels good. It feels clean and pure. Then we move on to the grumpy stage. Where your body, your whole being is crying out for food. “Feed me!” But your brain says “nah, silly human! You don’t need food. Food is dumb, you can live off of air and water.” Ummm, no. That just won’t work. And yet somehow, it does. Temporarily. Until you get to the place where you feel this acidic burble in the depths of your stomach. And then you start to picture the lining of your stomach deteriorating, bit by bit. But no matter what you eat, that feeling stays. Want to know why? Probably because what you ate is like feeding a peanut to an elephant. It’s gonna take a lot of peanuts to fill that tummy, sister. And it’s scary, you know? Not only the amount it’s gonna take and the willpower and the letting go…but the fact that you have to give up that feeling. The pure, clean, empty feeling. You have to let it go. Because that feeling is your enemy. It is your worst nightmare. It’s the grim reaper, and the grave, and the 9th circle of hell. But you’ll let it go. You will let go because you know you must. And you will learn, that being full and satisfied? It’s so much better than being empty.9404b25837d5f3ec6d5e97480e87d77a

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One thought on “That empty feeling

  1. Pingback: The absence | papercuts and skinned knees

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